Maybe because somewhere inside me, I was already questioning every decision I made without Gavin.
Had I traveled too soon?
Was I asking too much of Hadley?
Was Theo sensing my anxiety?
Should I have stayed home?
Was I failing at a job that had once belonged to two people?
Marianne knew none of that.
Still, she'd somehow managed to press directly on the bruise.
Hadley Changes Seats
Before I could answer, a small hand touched my shoulder.
Hadley was standing in the aisle.
"Mom, take my seat."
I stared at her.
"What?"
"Take my seat. I'll sit here."
"No, sweetheart."
"Mom."
There was something in her expression that reminded me painfully of Gavin.
Not anger.
Certainty.
Hadley looked at Marianne.
"I don't mind sitting next to you."
Marianne's eyebrows rose.
"I'm perfectly capable of sitting beside your mother."
Hadley nodded.
"I know. But you don't seem very happy about it."
"Hadley," I warned.
She ignored me.
Then she turned back to Marianne.
"My brother's hungry. My mom needs to feed him. So I'll sit here and you won't have to look."
For the first time since she'd sat down, Marianne seemed to have no immediate response.
I whispered, "Hadley, go back to your seat."
"But—"
"Please."
She looked at me for a long moment, then reluctantly returned to 19C.
I pulled the cover over myself and Theo.
He latched almost immediately.
Within seconds, the fussing stopped.
The cabin returned to the soft roar of engines and scattered conversation.
But I could feel Marianne's discomfort beside me.
She shifted twice.
Opened her magazine.
Closed it.
Finally she said, "I simply think people have forgotten the concept of boundaries."
I stared straight ahead.
"I understand."
"No, I don't think you do."
Something inside me finally gave way.
Not dramatically.
I didn't shout.
I didn't insult her.
I was simply too tired to keep apologizing for taking up space.
"My baby is eating," I said. "That's all that's happening."
Marianne looked offended.
"You don't have to speak to me that way."
I almost laughed at the absurdity.
But before I could answer, a voice came from behind us.
"Can I ask you something?"
Hadley.
I closed my eyes.
Oh no.
Marianne turned around.
"What is it?"
Hadley leaned slightly into the aisle.
Her face wasn't angry.
That somehow made what happened next even more powerful.
"Do you have kids?"
The question seemed to catch Marianne off guard.
She hesitated.
"Yes."
Hadley nodded.
"Did you love them when they were babies?"