Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects millions worldwide. While many people casually use phrases like “I’m so ADHD” to describe moments of distraction, it’s important to remember that ADHD is a clinical diagnosis, not a personality quirk.

“Everyone feels restless or inattentive sometimes, but for people with ADHD, these experiences are chronic, severe, and disruptive,” explains Jaclyn Halpern, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in Rockville, Maryland. “The challenges often interfere with work, relationships, education, and everyday routines.”

Because ADHD symptoms—such as difficulty sitting still, impulsivity, or distractibility—are sometimes relatable to everyone, the condition is often minimized. But for those living with it, the impact is far more significant and can affect nearly every part of their well-being.

Unfortunately, this misunderstanding can lead people without ADHD to make dismissive comments that reinforce stereotypes. To avoid unintentionally causing harm, here are four common phrases you should avoid—plus what you can say instead to show compassion and support.

1. “Isn’t Everyone a Little ADHD?”

This remark may seem harmless, but it dismisses the seriousness of ADHD. Suggesting that everyone has “a little ADHD” minimizes the struggles of people living with it daily.

ADHD is officially recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which mental health professionals use to diagnose conditions. It can appear in three main subtypes:

• Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive: Constant movement, difficulty waiting, impulsive decisions.
• Predominantly Inattentive: Easily distracted, difficulty sustaining focus, forgetfulness.
• Combined Presentation: A mix of both hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive symptoms.

“ADHD isn’t just about being distracted,” says Halpern. “It’s about a persistent, clinically significant pattern of difficulties that can affect nearly every domain of life.”

✅ What to Say Instead
“Sometimes I get distracted by all the chaos of daily life, but I know it’s different from what you go through. How does ADHD affect your daily routine? I’d like to understand better.”

2. “That’s Just Boys Being Boys.”

This phrase is often used when children—especially boys—show signs of hyperactivity. While boys are more frequently diagnosed with hyperactive or combined ADHD, girls and nonbinary children also experience symptoms.

Minimizing ADHD as “normal boy behavior” can prevent children from getting the diagnosis and treatment they need. It can also damage self-esteem and make kids feel misunderstood or unfairly labeled.

“Comments like this ignore the struggles of children of all genders,” says Halpern. “They also reinforce the myth that hyperactivity is the only form of ADHD, overlooking inattentive symptoms that are common in girls.”

✅ What to Say Instead
“I know kids express their energy in different ways. If ADHD is making things harder for you, I want to understand how I can support you.”

3. “You Only Focus on What You Want To.”

At first glance, it might seem that people with ADHD choose when to pay attention. But the reality is more complex.

A hallmark of ADHD is difficulty regulating focus. While individuals may experience hyperfocus—becoming intensely absorbed in activities they enjoy—they often struggle with routine or less stimulating tasks. This isn’t a matter of willpower; it’s a neurological difference in how attention is managed.

“People with ADHD don’t just decide to ignore certain things,” says Halpern. “Their brains are wired to require more stimulation for focus, which makes it harder to stay engaged with tasks that don’t naturally excite them.”

✅ What to Say Instead
“It’s amazing how deeply you can focus on things you’re passionate about. That’s a real strength. What helps you stay motivated with tasks that are less interesting?”

4. “Nobody Needs to Know You Have ADHD.”

On the surface, this might sound supportive, as if you’re encouraging privacy. But it can unintentionally suggest that ADHD is something to hide or be ashamed of.

Everyone has the right to decide whether or not to share their diagnosis, but implying secrecy reinforces stigma. Instead, it’s better to empower the person to make their own choices about disclosure.

✅ What to Say Instead
“If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear about your experiences with ADHD—both the challenges and the strengths. It might help me support you better.”

The Takeaway: Choose Words That Heal, Not Harm

Living with ADHD comes with enough challenges without the added weight of misunderstanding. By avoiding dismissive phrases and replacing them with empathy, curiosity, and respect, you can make a real difference in someone’s life.

The next time you talk with a friend, colleague, or loved one with ADHD, remember: your words can either reinforce stigma or build a bridge of understanding. Choosing compassion over clichés helps create a world where people with ADHD feel seen, respected, and supported.